Our words about motherhood

the worlds we are building

Last week, I heard a woman comment that she was not ready to leave a meeting we were both in. I braced myself but I’ve been in these conversations, but someone else asked why. She responded, “Because I have to go pick up my kids.” I cringed, mostly on the inside, because it’s a fair assumption that she says similar things in front of her children.

Kids are easy targets for our words. They don’t have power to speak up in their own defense. Few other people are going to call us out. There is often some tiny grain of truth in the words that makes it hard to push back. It is culturally acceptable to dog your kids and your spouse and it does not increase your popularity to be the person that says something to the contrary in a group.

Parenting is hard. I don’t think any of us are debating that. Children do not make your life easier, though they do make it richer. Sometimes there isn’t an ill intent; words become a release valve for feelings we haven’t dealt with. But everyone loses when we make this a habit. 

Our words about our kids matter for three reasons. Our kids hear them and it becomes part of what they think about themselves. Our words become part of the story we are telling ourselves about what is true. Other people hear our words and that affects how they view children.