I ran a meeting in the fall (yes, that same meeting) where a participant suggested that we share our enneagram numbers in our introductions. The first woman to introduce herself announced that she didn’t believe in the enneagram because “only God gets to name me.” (You’re getting a real glimpse into how this meeting went now, aren’t you?) In meetings or on the internet, the enneagram brings out strong feelings in people.
When I was still on Instagram,1 the enneagram was the topic that brought out the most ferocious response and I did not shy away from controversial topics. Even after gracefully disagreeing in a dm, people would persist in sharing their own opinions and viewpoints. And guess what? You don’t have to like the enneagram. I’m not offended.
I learned some about the enneagram a number of years ago.2 I read a few books. I listened to podcasts. It was a great tool for me at the time and allowed me to do some deep work. But it’s not been something I’ve thought about much the past few years. However, when you get to know more or different people, topics circle back around. They are in a place you were five years ago or in a place you’ll be in five years.3 And now, the enneagram comes up regularly at work. There are a couple of enneagram eights (which is how I identify when it comes to the enneagram) and we know a few more and we are all wildly different people. The enneagram only unfolds a few layers.
Those layers do help us make sense of how we look at the world and also some of our experiences.4 Learning that enneagram 8s are oriented forward in time has helped me understand why reflection doesn’t come naturally to me. I’m constantly looking forward: what’s next and when is it coming? That has its own benefits. It’s why it is second nature for me to make decisions with 80-year-old me in mind. But God has also been showing me how important reflection is to living well.
Last week in our women’s Bible, I led the women through a prayer of examen. It’s a quiet, contemplative reflection on the day where one practices seeing God’s presence in the day and naming consolations and desolations (it’s a deeper version of the highs and lows we do at the dinner table.) I shared with them that some would find it lovely and some of them would struggle with it. I named myself among the strugglers. But even if it’s hard, life makes more sense if I pause regularly in God’s presence and look back. Instead of berating myself for not being natural at it, I can name my strength and stretch in the opposite direction.
Enneagram eights don’t spend a lot of time worrying about whether or not people like them either. As you can imagine, this has decided benefits. If you don’t like me, it’s not that I don’t care, but I don’t care much. After all, what am I going to do about it? Change myself? That’s not super helpful since the next person might want something different. I cannot contort myself into many twisted shapes based on the desires of the person currently in front of me. In many ways, this has freed me to care less about other people’s opinions of me.
It’s also weird in a new job that will be much easier if people like me. I don’t think I’ve reverted too much but I do have a lot more sympathy for people who struggle with other’s opinions. I’m starting to understand why that matters to them.
The enneagram has allowed me to name a few things in my life. Naming is important for self-awareness and self-awareness contributes to our transformation. Some things God can change slowly and gradually without our awareness, but, most of the time, we become aware of the need for change before we change. The enneagram has made me aware of some ways that I need to change.
Ephesians 4 describes some of the unfolding that occurs when we start to follow Jesus. First, we take off the old corrupted person. To take something off intentionally, we have to see it for what it is. We have to name it. Corruption. Deceit. Self-loathing. Idolatry. Only then, after the Spirit’s renewal, can we put on something different. Love. Joy. Peace. You get the idea. The passage in Ephesians 4 goes on to give examples to make sure the listeners would understand. Put away lying and speak truth because we belong to one another. Be angry and don’t sin. Don’t steal; instead work and share with those in need. Put off foul language and instead use language that builds up. You don’t need the enneagram to do putting off and putting on work, but it can be used as a tool in the process. I would have taken far longer to realize that anger masked other emotions and I refused to care what others thought so that I wouldn’t be vulnerable without it.
One of the best things I’ve heard about the enneagram was when Annie F. Downs said that the point was for a person to grow and mature enough that someone couldn’t guess what your enneagram number was. It’s not an identifying marker. It’s not who we are. It’s a tool to explain some things that need naming and point out some areas of growth.5
But lesson learned, I will never ask people to introduce themselves in a meeting with their enneagram number.
I keep wondering if I should talk a bit about leaving social media since it’s been almost a year but I get bored with the idea quickly.
I’m always vague on how much time has passed unless I have great written records.
I guess this leads to the debates about whether time is linear or cyclical.
The other thing that has helped profoundly has been learning about my neurodivergence.
StrengthFinders was actually best at revealing parallels with spiritual gifts.