How to survive grad school
you're going to become ruthless
When I was in seminary, I took the work everywhere.1 I read on the front porch while our boys played in the yard of our house in Kentucky. I took work to the trampoline during nap time. I shoved my computer between my stomach and the steering wheel of our van while our oldest was in therapy. I sat on the bed memorizing Greek flashcards. I bent over my desk night after night after night, taking quizzes and reading scholarly articles and writing discussion posts. Some sort of weekly reading was always in my bag and I often had a notebook open on the kitchen counter. I was determined to do the work.
I popped back onto Instagram a few weeks ago. I don’t know if it’s fall or nostalgia for 2019, but I’ve been itching to see a bit more of it2 and see if I can say an occasional something while leaving it alone the rest of the time. It’s an experiment.3
What I love about Instagram is the interaction and the dialogue. A woman promptly asked me what helped me navigate my adult life with work and kids while I was also in seminary. I told her I would think about it and get back to her.4 This is me getting back to her and to you. How I used each of these varied: mostly by whether we lived in Kentucky or had moved to Virginia.5
These four things made the biggest difference for me. They might not help you. But they might. Or they might jumpstart your own ideas about how you can make adjustments when you need to add a big commitment to your already full life. Or when your own life is already too full and you need to clear some space.
A digital planner and calendar
I used the same paper planner for years.6 I love a physical book. I love moving a pen across a page. But that system couldn’t keep up with the amount of work I had to do once I added in a job. I needed to track appointments and reminders for the kids, assignments for school, responsibilities for work, and be able to move it all around and have my husband see it. Now I use a digital calendar (including a shared one with my husband for family stuff) and everything goes in the calendar. If it’s not on the calendar, we will not be there.
I also pay a tiny amount of money for the app Todoist, and I create project boards and everything that needs to happen goes in the app and I can see the tasks for every day. If it’s not in the app, it doesn’t get done. It’s super easy to move tasks to a different day and keep track of upcoming deadlines. There are a variety of apps that could do this. Don’t swap apps if you’re already using one; learn to use that one well instead.
A defined sabbath
When I started working at the church and started Hebrew almost the same week, I started practicing a real Sabbath, designating time when I would not do homework or work. It felt like the worst time to start a Sabbath, but I knew that if it didn’t matter then in that inconvenient time, it did not actually matter to me. Sabbath saved me during that season. I never felt done. It was never a convenient time to not work for that long. But I never ended up behind. Instead that rest was a fuel for the rest of the week. I would have burned out if I had tried to go nonstop.7 If you’ve never tried this, consider it an experiment. Not for one week though, give it at least three months.8 Define your own boundaries around Sabbath and try it out.9
Naming time
When I was in seminary, I thought of my life as three buckets.10 As much as I could, I only picked up one bucket at a time. There was a family bucket (which included anything for me personally because I am part of my family), a work bucket, and a school bucket. Different times of the day and week were for different buckets. This was something that shifted across my time in seminary. When I started seminary in 2020, you might remember that there was a pandemic. I did quite a bit of my reading for class while my boys were watching a movie or playing in the yard. But as my life changed, I needed to be able to think about work while I was at work and not be worrying about school. And think about seminary while I was doing homework and not make lists for work. The family bucket is the one that can’t be contained; it has a tendency to bleed across everything. You leave work to pick up a sick kid. You stop homework because your kid wakes up from a bad dream. In general though, to be present with the work you are doing is a discipline that you will have to practice and practice and will help your life immensely.11 I had blocks of time that were for seminary. I didn’t schedule other things there. I had blocks of time that were for work. I had blocks of time that were for my family. And barring an emergency finals week, they didn’t cross over.
Saying “no”
I said “no” to a lot of things to make space for seminary. I didn’t go to regular nights out. I quit Instagram. I made lists of books that I wanted to read after I finished school and only read a few of them then. To have blocks of time that you reserve for grad school (or anything else) will mean saying no to things that would demand that time. You are going to become ruthless in saying “no.” This skill will help your whole life.
Everyone who has been in grad school and had a job while having all the responsibilities of a family could probably make their own list. I often stayed up later than I wanted to finish homework and I know other people who get up early and do their work. I did not get up early and do work for seminary even one single time. You’ll figure out what you need to do. Experiment. If it doesn’t work, try something else. Deciding what matters (in this case, it was going to seminary) and making room for that work will shape the way you approach other challenges. Commit instead of leaving all your options open. You can do this!
That makes seminary sound so far away but I graduated barely over three months ago.
Mostly the work of Lore Wilbert, Kristel Acevedo, and Joel Muddamalle.
I have a long list of things I don’t want to do on IG: feel like I need to say something every day, make it an expose of my life, talk about current events.
I’m aiming at a slower life in general, but ESPECIALLY on the internet. Does this mean my Instagram won’t take off? Probably and I’m very ok with that.
The move was a radical lifestyle. Our kids went to school when we moved and a year later, I started working. When we lived in Kentucky, we were all home together all the time.
RIP Get to Work Book
I recently told someone that powering through was for people in their twenties. I’m too tired to do that now.
Three months goes by really fast! Also, it will go by whether or not you try a sabbath, so do it!
Start with what you can do and build from there. This isn’t a place for idealism, but for a clear look at reality. We can discuss in the comments if you like.
Isn’t that glamorous?
It’s so hard. When I think of something that needs done, I put it in Todoist and keep going with what I’m doing then.
This is great advice, and I’m happy to say that I did roughly the same things while I was in grad school. I was also working full time for the department of health and had internships that went along to with my degree.
We have lived and died by our family calendar for a long, long time. Like you said, if ain’t on the calendar, we’re not going. I didn’t have to use a planner but that’s only because my calendar worked well enough for that. I created a private one with all of the due dates and deleted them as the assignment was turned in. Canvas, the platform my school used for online learning, also had a due date calendar and that was a good failsafe.
I didn’t do schoolwork on Friday or Saturday, unless it was absolutely necessary. But I didn’t do much else on the those days, either. Friday nights usually found me asleep (glasses on, documentary playing on tv) by about 9, and Saturday was family time. I usually hit the books and assignments on Sunday after post-church lunch. I lost count of many times i startled awake to someone taking my glasses off my face and moving my iPad from my chest.
My husband carried the load of cooking and cleaning while I was in school, and wouldn’t let me cook or clean unless I insisted (I never did lol). We also used HelloFresh a lot during this time and my son really enjoyed cooking dinner.
I learned a lot about what I’m capable of during this time. Some truly terrible anxiety took hold of me (unrelated to school), and I ended up leaving my job at the DOH, but the amount of time it gave me back was wonderful. I kept the same routine, but I felt like I could breathe again.
I am not in grad school or planning to be (haha) but this was super helpful for general time and energy management! Especially the different buckets… I have been a bit scattered lately with lots of different responsibilities, and I realize how helpful it would be to stick to one bucket at a time.
Sabbath — this is something that’s been on my heart lately. I feel the Lord inviting me into it. I tried a few years ago to make this a regular practice and it was a mess, but if I’m being honest, it was coming from a place of religious duty and performance. It caused more shame and headache than anything. My heart posture is different this time around and the invitation has been gentle and welcoming. I would appreciate any thoughts/advice you have on how to navigate practicing sabbath if your spouse is not joining you in the practice (yet)?