Ministry partnerships across gender

practical steps from a pastor

You know how some books just grab your attention immediately?¹ For some people that’s probably a book from the Throne of Glass series,² but I live on the nerdier side of things. Late last year, I saw book Live Anointed in a social media post. The tagline, “how the Holy Spirit sanctifies men and women to lead together,” was enough to compel me to find it and bump it to the top of my reading list. So sorry to everything else that’s waiting to be read. I spend very little time now reading about why women should lead with men,³ but I am very interested in how women and men can lead well together.

The author, Rev. Katie Lance, was a nurse in her first career. Since then she has planted a Wesleyan church that she currently pastors. Because Wesleyans believe in women’s ordination, she is challenging them to rise to the level of their own beliefs and doctrines. This is not a book explaining why women should lead or dissecting 1 Timothy 2.⁴ This is a book about practicalities: the “how” of this part of following Jesus.

I do not plan to review the book. If you lead in ministry contexts with men and women, you should read it. It’s for you.⁵ Instead, I want to look specifically at chapters 8-10. Hopefully this will give you some starting points for evaluation and direction even before you pick up the book.

Chapter 8- How We Steward Kingdom-Full Vocation

Rev. Lance encourages the reader to mindfully engage their communication habits, learning habits, and leadership habits.

Communication habits: Our words should always make it clear that women are welcome and anticipated. “Pastors and their wives” always raises my husband’s eyebrows. It might take some practice to make “pastors and their spouses” second nature, but it creates a space where women know they are expected and supported in their calling.

Learning habits: Learn from women. Quote them in your sermons. Share their work with the people you lead and influence.

Leadership habits: Evaluate who you invite to speak and what resources you share. Make space to mentor and host women in training.

Chapter 9- Do No Harm: Healthy, Holy, Practical Alternatives to the BGR

This chapter discusses alternatives to the Billy Graham rule.⁶ Lance says if the solution to one problem is causing other harm, perhaps our solution needs to be revisited. She is not for throwing away boundaries or discernment. She wants to question “what it could look like if we live into kingdom fullness and steward our callings by honoring…‘invisible boundaries’ that frame how we relate to each other in healthy, holy ways.”⁷ Lance’s work is designed to help us step toward those healthy, holy relationships.

When discussing alternatives to visible barriers (such as the Billy Graham rule),⁸ she mentions invisible boundaries: discussion boundaries,⁹ self-awareness about power dynamics, and deliberately cultivating work culture.¹⁰

These invisible boundaries provide separation between personal and intimate knowledge and professional mentoring and partnerships. It also affirms the personhood of others instead of turning them into “something to consume or resist consuming.”¹¹ Church leaders need high expectations, high accountability, and high support to succeed in working together well. I really suggest picking up the book if only for this chapter if you lead in churches or ministries, want to honor people of the opposite sex, and guard your reputation and heart.

Chapter 10- Side by Side: Co-Laboring Joyfully in the Fullness of the Holy Spirit

Co-laboring for the gospel requires habits that give the fruit of the Spirit room to grow in our lives.

Prayerfully listening: The best way to practice this habit is to ask questions. Then ask more questions. Ask questions in interpersonal interactions, in unfamiliar settings, during paradigm shifts. Asking questions shows respect to other people, exposes assumptions you may be unaware of, and clears up miscommunication.

Generously empowering: Lance discusses how she prays asking “What is this person’s next ‘yes’ to God?” as she is coaching and mentoring someone. They are not competitors; she is not trying to protect her own platform. Find space for others. Expose them to what ministry life might look like. Take them with you. Give them opportunities.

Pragmatically envisioning: What is going to get in the way of your goals? Don’t just ask what you are going to do, ask how you are going to do it. “Pragmatic envisioning creates space to respond to the movements of the Holy Spirit with clear vision…Pragmatic envisioning empowers us to respond to God with equipped readiness. It empowers us to empower each other forward into kingdom fullness.”¹²

Lance rightfully points out what you might not be gifted at each of these habits. That is why we need the whole church. Gather people around you who are gifted where you are not.

Experience has shown me that while there are some people who are just interested in shutting women out of rooms and conversations, many more are desiring to live with integrity and faithfully serve God their entire lives. We need more guides into how we honor each other and steward out callings as we partner in ministry. Lance’s work is a great place to start. The book contains much more than I discussed in this post and will be a helpful resource for you as you lead with both women and men.

1. Such as Without Fear by Keisha Blain, Safe Church by Dr. Andrew Bauman, Bonhoeffer’s Black Jesus by Reggie Williams, and Households of Faith by Emily McGowin. Actually, close to half of my screenshots are books that I’d like to read.

2. Which I have not read and know nothing about so that’s not a recommendation or a nonrecommendation.

3. I have done that work for a decade and have become grounded in my own calling. I’d like to teach and consult on that topic moving forward.

4. For that, check out How God Sees Women or Nobody’s Mother.

5. You could also read Together in Ministry by Rob Dixon

6. Graham’s actual “rule” was more deeply developed (and probably necessary for his position) but the colloquial version essentially tells men to never be alone with any woman besides their wives. Not at lunch in a restaurant, not in a car driving down the highway.

7. Page 125.

8. If you get uncomfortable hearing criticism of the BGR, consider how many pastors have had public scandals while insisting on the BGR. It is not solving the problem. It also does not address same-sex attraction.

9. Such as not talking about your marriages or sexual temptations.

10. Another quote from this chapter: “Frame what other people will see by how you frame how you see colleagues who are women. Don’t refer to her through outward appearance. Begin mentally and verbally describing her as God sees her: as your sister in Christ, gifted leader and anointed speaker and pastor; as someone who strengthens your team because of the spiritual gifts and experience she brings to the table.” page 128.

11. Page 142.

12. Page 171.