Not-so-spiritual advice for transitions

the secret? everything is spiritual

This past week I sat at church talking a college-aged woman. She is going through some difficulties and transitions and because she’s doing all the serious stuff I told her that I had two seemingly non-spiritual ideas she could try.¹ 

Of course, the idea that there is “non-spiritual” parts of our lives is ludicrous. That’s another work that needs a slow undoing.² All of our lives are spiritual. This is something that we used to know. I hope we know it again.

Often when we get advice from people who follow Jesus we expect pious advice. Read your Bible more. Learn Hebrew and read your Bible in Hebrew.³ But the advice I give most often is “please consider getting more sleep.”⁴ This day I suggested establishing some grounding rhythms and peppering your schedule with things you love. 

Grounding rhythms

In times of transition—going back to school, sending your kids back to school, changing jobs, shifting relationships—put some rhythms in your life that you don’t alter during the transition. Maybe that’s a morning ritual of some sort. Maybe it’s meeting a friend for coffee on Thursday mornings before work. Maybe it’s working out during the kids’ nap. Maybe it’s lighting a candle at dinner time. Give yourself things that don’t change when everything else is changing. 

One of my grounding rhythms is sitting in my chair in my office in the morning and watching the sun rise. Of course, that’s also when I read my Bible and pray, but there’s a reason I do that in the same chair every morning. 

Things you love

I’ve asked people to name things they love and they’ve not known the answer.⁵ They don’t know what they love and they’ve certainly never considered how to put those things into their regular rhythms. Learning to do this has changed my life.⁶ 

So many people have never paid enough attention to know what they like because they feel that liking things is bad. They’ve been told there are too many important things to do to notice the light streaming in their windows or the flower by the roadside or how their favorite bread glistens when butter melts on it. They can’t turn on an album they enjoy or get lost in a book for the fifth time or take a walk down that side trail that feels like they might escape into Narnia. 

I’m not writing a theological treatise on loving the things you like (not today at least— I’ve talked about it some in this post and this one and in this old Instagram post). I’m just going to tell you that this has reshaped my days. It’s given me endurance during hard times and joy during all times.

Make food you love. 
Play games that you like.
Walk outside if you like that. Or ride your bike. Or work in your garden. Or sit on your doorstep. Or look out a window. 
Put a plant beside your bed. 
Play music for your alarm. 
Sit in the quiet once a day. 

Make a list for yourself and see if you can do several of them every week (or every day). Though in a very different way than the woman I was talking to, we are also in a transitional season. School is starting for the boys; my summer quarter is ending. Our work schedules are shifting to adjust to school and all our rhythms need resettling. I’ve noted some of my own delights below.

My own tiny delights of the weird transitional back to school weeks 

1. Taylor Swift’s Lover. I missed several of her albums in my “neck-deep with babies” phase and I’m catching up.⁷ Two friends said this was their favorite and I’m loving it. 

2. My berry patch. I rolled out some clothesline to trellis up the blackberry canes. We’ll see how it works. 

3. Hazy IPAs. A summer hallmark that still works because the weather is so warm.⁸ 

4. My bird of paradise in my study.⁹ Technically, it’s rehabilitating. I think it needs more sun than it got in our bedroom and I’m loving having it here. 

5. Playing Clue after dinner. The youngest gets to be on a team with me because he’s not an independent reader yet, but it’s been so fun to have a new game. 

6. Biking to school. It takes under 4 minutes to get to the school on a bike and whipping down the hill is the best part.¹⁰

7. Podcast series. The Pastor’s Table, which I have loved in general, just finished a four-part series on women in ministry and it was fabulous. 

I’d love for you to share a grounding ritual or something that you love in the comments. 

1. Counseling, etc.

2. A slow undoing because people are slow and we learn to live different ways slowly. I’d prefer to toss all of our bad ideas as quickly as possible (and some of them we do need to) but I’m learning to be slower.

3. Kidding on that one.

4. I give this advice to myself a lot too.

5. This story about the eggs is what I always think of when people don’t know what they actually like.

6. At least once a day I think, “this world is a terrible place.” This is personality and some of you won’t have this problem. But for me, this practice balances my viewpoint a little.

7. This is also due to attending a fundamental church that believed that most things were bad.

8. And because it’s still summer even though school’s back in session.

9. I’ve decided it’s a study and not an office.

10. Apparently I’m old now because when I’m whizzing down hills I’m also thinking about how badly it would hurt if I wrecked.