Low stress dinner invitations

from a lover of hospitality

Two weeks ago, I was working from home on a Wednesday when I got a text from my husband asking if I was ok with him inviting a coworker for dinner. Knowing who it was, I swiftly agreed. I was taking online training and I was already wiping down counters and dropping chicken into marinade while I listened, so I filled a pot with eggs, covered them with water, and set them to boil. I rendered down some bacon, made some mint simply syrup, ran the roomba in the living room. Later that afternoon when I was picking up my youngest, I scheduled a time to take the boys to see the ducks and the chicks that had just hatched at the preschool. I shared that we were having impromptu dinner guests and the preschool director’s mouth fell open. Yours might have too. That’s ok. I’m sure that you are comfortable doing many things that I am not. I was able to say yes because we have a practice of inviting people over and love to open our home. Hospitality is something we care about, but we need to clarify what hospitality is and is not.

• Hospitality is not about impressing other people. Not with how clean or fancy my house is. Not with how well-behaved my children are. Not with how perfect the food is. 

• Hospitality is about inviting someone else into our lives. I want them to see our lunch bins on the counter if it’s a school night. If it’s a school night, we are making lunches. 

• Hospitality is about making a place for others to be seen and known. I want them to feel safe and at home for the time that they are with us. 

Believing these things means that we will pick up the house and make it welcoming but not stress about it being perfectly clean. It means I will arrange meals around food restrictions, but won’t plan to show off. Simple is just fine. It means that I will ask questions about the other person and not attempt to seem great.¹ 

We’ve spent our married lives inviting people into our homes. One Christmas, I had the disastrous idea of introducing people from different areas of our lives to each other. We hosted a small Christmas party, made introductions, and, shortly into the evening, a friend asked another (non-pregnant) friend when she was due. The occasion is burned into our memories for all the wrong reasons. However, for the most part, having people over has made pleasant memories.

In 2019, we didn’t have Sunday evening church services for the summer² and we invited a different family from church over for dinner most Sunday nights that season. People whose kids were out of the house. College students. Other parents of small kids. People we knew well and people who were almost strangers. We did not do this because our house was big. It wasn’t. We didn’t do this because I cleaned all day and the state of our home with four kids was impressive. It wasn’t. We did it because people love to be invited into someone else’s lives, even for just a few hours, and we enjoy it too.

When we were looking at homes before we moved almost two years ago, I had a wishlist. Light in the kitchen and some land were the most important, but I also knew that I wanted space for people to gather around our table. Our “new” home has been the best place for us.³ We have a great outdoor patio space and bought an outdoor table early last summer. I’ve also been on the search for a bigger dining table since we moved. We’ve had our dining room table since we got married and it’s too small for our own family of six, much less anyone else. Seating guests has always been a big of a puzzle. Our new table and chairs just arrived and I have so much anticipation for memories that will be made. I stood over the table the first night it was in our house and prayed for all the people who would eat and gather there. 

Working at a church, especially a church that focuses on development, we talk about spiritual gifts frequently.⁴ Just last week, I sat with my apprenticeship supervisor and we talked about everything from whether the sign gifts were different from other gifts, such as gifts of teaching, or if we felt that gifts were a Spirit-empowerment of how you were made by God or something that changed within you when you decided to believe in and follow Jesus. The Spirit is one of the more mysterious parts of the faith, to be sure, and I think that’s why many people are uncomfortable in talking about both the Spirit and with the gifts of the Holy Spirit. But we all have them. However you want to understand them, God has gifted each of us differently; we are called to share God’s light with the world in different ways. It benefits us and the people around us if we pay attention to those ways. 

I think we find out our gifts in a number of ways, but one of the primary is looking back at our lives. This is obviously easier to do when one is very close to middle-aged than when you’re 20.⁵ Even when I take a spiritual gifts test (and I haven’t in years), one of my top results is hospitality and I see that all over my life, in and out of our home.⁶

Hospitality may not be a marker of your life and that’s fine. But if you’re wanting to start inviting people over, let me offer a few suggestions.⁷

1. Have meals you can fall back on. Don’t reinvent the wheel every time. 

• It’s ok—delightful really—to pick up coffee and pastries and chat on your couch.

• Make taco salad. Set out chips and salsa beforehand. Cook and season your meat. Make a pot of rice. Warm some black beans. Broil some frozen corn until charred. Chop toppings. Set out cheese and salsa. Viola. Gluten-free and easily dairy-free. 

• Have a one-pot meal. I like to make curry. (The curry recipe is at the bottom of that link.) Though, technically, since I serve it with rice, it’s two pots. 

• Grill chicken. (This marinade is delicious.) Roast some potatoes in the oven. Add in some veggies and you’re done. (Wrap some asparagus in foil, drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with salt and pepper, and throw it on the grill for about six minutes. Roast some broccoli and then squeeze some lemon and sprinkle some parmesan on top and throw it back in the oven until the parm is melted. Make a big salad.)

• Order pizzas. 

• Serve ice cream with toppings for dessert. Pick up a pie from a bakery. 

• Make a cocktail or a mocktail. Set out sparkling water or ginger beer. 

It’s totally fine to serve one same, low-stress meal to everyone you invite over.

2. Know what you will do to the house when people are coming over. Pick up loose items and put them away. Sweep the floor. Wipe off the kitchen and bathroom counters. Stand in the doorway and see what they will see. Invite your family or roommates to help with this.⁸

3. Be interested, not interesting. Ask them questions. Listen to their stories. Don’t apologize for the things you want to change about your house or your kids or your spouse or yourself. This is harder than you might think.

4. Prep your kids (if you have them) on what’s expected. Practice with close friends or family or each other. They won’t just automatically know what to do but they can learn too.

Practice is what makes this easier. That and realizing an invitation can make a big difference in people’s lives. If you love to host, please share all your tips in the comments.

1. This probably means you should not ask me for ideas about entertaining.

2. Most of the churches we have been part of have been Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night lives.

3. We’re only a few months short of having been here for two years!

4. We have an academic program with students (they get a year of college credit that transfers to two colleges), interns, and residents.

5. Or even middle-aged. The division of ages seems murky.

6. If you’re younger, consider the things you love doing and the things you do that other people comment on. How can you use those to serve others?

7. Every season is not time for this. Use your own discernment.

8. If the roommates are involved. They probably don’t want to clean for a meal they aren’t invited to eat.